Critters

We had heard that North Carolina had critters. I'm fine with critters. In fact, I think they're fun. Bugs, on the other hand, I despise. I moved to Durham with a calm assurance that with Emily having grown up in Missouri that she would provide emotional support in the event that I encounter strange bugs, or, heaven forbid, SPIDERS. Man, I hate spiders. Little did I know that it would only be through hand-to-hand combat that I would become empowered to take on the abnormally large bugs in this place. More on this later.

Back to critters. We have been here for roughly two months and have already had several interesting visitors. Take this guy for example:

Harley found Mr. Turtle out in the backyard and wouldn't leave him alone. Poor guy was huddled up in his shell trying to protect himself, I'm guessing, from Harley's breath. Because we all know that Harley's breath is much worse than his bite. So I rescued him and brought him in to play with Rex for a minute. He peed on the floor and then I let him lose.

A couple days ago I was sitting in the living room watching Special Agent Oso with Rex and Harley while Em was out running errands. I looked over at the fireplace and happened to notice a long, dark object, which I initially thought may have been a piece of rubber hose that Rex tore off of something. Then I realized it looked a lot like snake. "Did Emily buy Rex a toy snake or something?" I thought to myself. That's when I noticed the very active forked tongue. Not knowing its venomosity (I made this word up, but it is essentially an index of how venomous a snake is), I freaked, grabbed Harley (How he didn't spot him first is beyond me) and Rex, threw Harley in his crate and ran to grab the mop so I could pin it down. I threw Rex on the couch (without missing a beat he jumped right back into watching Oso). I pinned the snake down and picked him up by the back of the neck like a true man would. Calmly, I let him wrap his his body around my arm. And then I just played with it for about 15 minutes. It was actually pretty fun. No, I didn't kill it. I just turned it lose. Here he is:


In addition to these amazingly cool critters we've been visited by many squirrels, numerous rabbits, a few frogs, a toad (there is a difference), and plenty of DISGUSTING bugs and spiders, including Wheel Bugs (Google it) and cicadas (locusts from hell). The first night I was here in Durham, I was brutally attacked by a cicada and narrowly escaped with my life due to my innate ninja skills. One calculated karate chop later, the cicada found himself totally incapacitated and teetering between life and death. Mercifully, I put him out of his misery.